Funny Quotes: Best Collection of Most Funny Quotes in English, Funny Status, Quotes & Shayari, funny jokes in English, (2025) फनी कोट्स स्टेटस Funniest WhatsApp Status.
आज हम आपके लिए लेकर आये हैं फनी कोट्स की ये धमाकेदार पोस्ट। इस पोस्ट को पढ़ने के बाद आप अपनी हंसी ही नही रोक पाएंगे।
Here you will find the funniest quotes, jokes, funny Shayari status, and very funny ideas in English. So share these funny quotes with your friends, family, and loved ones and make them laugh.
Funny Quotes
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.
Funny Quotes About Life
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.
My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
Funny work Quotes
I’m not saying I hate my job, but if it were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.
Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.
Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your boss told you to.
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
I’m not saying I hate my job, but if it were a person, I’d give it the finger every day at 5 PM.
Funny Motivational Quotes
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.
Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist while you guys were busy arguing about the glass of wine, I drank it! Sincerely, the opportunist!
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday. Unless it’s a Monday, then I’m probably still in bed.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
Funny family Quotes
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
Spend some time this weekend on home improvement; improve your attitude toward your family.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.
A family that laughs together stays together, preferably over dessert.
I love my family, but sometimes they make me want to pull my hair out luckily, I don’t have much left.
Home is where you can say anything you like because nobody listens to you anyway.
Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.
Funny Quotes for Instagram
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.
Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” – President Merkin Muffley Peter Sellers.
My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.
A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”
As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.
When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what.
